`+`Heeyi`+`

2012-02-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

萧煌奇 - 只能勇敢

人总要习惯生命就是一站一站不断在转换

2012-02-07T16:25:00.008+08:00

There's a reason why 'forgive' and forget' are different words.

Was packing my cupboard when i saw the stacks of cards written before Os, and on birthdays. And i realized i did so badly for exams and tests in my secondary school days because i see words like "Don't slack anymore", "Don't give yourself too much pressure", "I'm sure you'll do well" ...

Actually i've already forgotten how it felt when i did so badly throughout the few years, but i still remember how bad i've done. All the F9s for math and science. Haha. I'm really grateful once again to my friends for your cards. They mean a lot, and even much more now when i re-read them.

Now, i think i'm quite a carefree person already, free from all the stress and worries that are really really unnecessary. But i see friends who are still upset over many issues. Don't be :) If you think about it again, there's really nothing much to worry in life.

As long as you are doing what you like, and what you think is right.

"Do what you like, and you will like what you do."

2012-02-03T23:01:00.001+08:00

I'M VERY TIRED! :|

2012-02-01T14:22:00.001+08:00

Yup!

# # #

6:32-6:38

2012-01-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

2012-01-21T16:48:00.007+08:00

听你说

(林凡, 郁可唯)

我很开心因为努力生活

和你们分享荣耀的那一秒钟

如果难过你肩膀最辽阔

你帮我带走乌云满布的天空

如果生活少了有你陪我

我整天开着手机也感到失落

因为我们都最想看到彼此灿烂的笑容

我懂星座却没有人像我

真的喜欢一个人安静的自由

我做的梦我坚持做到最后

就算我爬到云端也继续做梦

我唱的歌只希望能快乐

其他的我也不想要想的太多

因为我们都最想拥有自己最真的感动

听你说听你说

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友

聊日出日落因为有梦所以更认真生活

听你说听你说

我们真实拥有一片美好的天空

不能常联络却更紧握

我们交换的美梦只想听你说

我只想听你说听你说

2012-01-10T23:13:00.002+08:00

我很想继续相信外面有这么一个世界。

但若真的有，它也不会像故事里那么完美。

我真的知道这个世界并不存在。

2011-12-28T10:40:00.004+08:00

Glee - Do You Hear What I Hear

Glee - All I Want for Christmas is You

2011-12-22T10:01:00.001+08:00

Life is very simple: Do what you should.

2011-12-03T00:09:00.003+08:00

Once we wished we could grow up faster.

And then, we wish we could stay young forever.

2011-11-29T22:03:00.001+08:00

Music is such a beautiful thing :)

# # #

If there's anything i would really regret, i guess there's only one.

And that's i didn't learn music from young.

2011-11-18T15:25:00.003+08:00

I'm not here to fight.

I've just come to take my things.

2011-11-11T16:48:00.004+08:00

"Given a choice, would you choose this again?"

It really depends.

Depending on when am i given that choice again.

A year ago, my answer will be, yes. Absolutely yes, even for now.

If it was ten years ago, it'll be different.

I won't choose this path another time.

I'd rather do other things than do this straight path.

Nevertheless, i know what i want.

Please don't judge on my decisions.

You can judge me, just don't try to sway my decision.

2011-11-10T20:42:00.003+08:00

Headache for 3 straight days is no joke.

I think i cannot take this anymore :/

2011-10-29T20:15:00.002+08:00

In an extremely happy mood now! :D

Nowadays, i feel much much happier on Saturdays.

Now and then, i feel enlightened suddenly.

That's a good thing, finally! :D

2011-10-08T21:37:00.002+08:00

I still love sitting in the car watching the trees move past and having things run through my mind.

A million things ran through today, minutes ago.

I remembered i was still so worried about a school exam few days ago, because i knew i would do badly, probably to the extend of failing(and failing an exam is quite a big deal now, since every exam counts). But not anymore, now. Any exams, study, work, i will just let it go as it is.

This incident really made me learn a lot, and in fact changed my opinions about the important things.. that is the things i should really care about in life. The only thing that one should worry about, that one should fear of, is only to lose someone close to you. Nothing else. Now i realise how true it is. Because we start with nothing, so there's really nothing much for us to lose. If you made it to your goal, good. If not, that's just too bad. Then what can you do? Definitely not wallow in self pity. Either do it again, and again until you succeed. Or, do other things. It's totally fine.

But when you lose someone, that's it.

I'm not thankful for this, but i guess i became better now. As least i'm not as stressful as before. And i learn to take things easy.

Or maybe i'm giving up because i feel so tired of the competition(it really is one, despite people saying it isn't).

Especially when it's skewed.

If i can do it, i will just do it naturally.

I don't want to push myself anymore.

And if i can't, then we'll see.

I wanted to say i don't like sitting in a car watching the trees move past anymore, because the things that go through my mind is so different.

In the past, i would look at the trees, forests and wonder that someday, maybe i will just walk through a forest and reach some magical place, like in animes. I literally thought about it everytime i went past a forest, at least i used to.

I still hope i can genuinely wonder like this.

But it changed, and i know it won't change back anymore. Now, as the trees move past, other things ran through my mind. Things i'd rather not contemplate.

Which led me to the conclusion that, the one thing i don't like about life is, growing up.

2011-09-27T17:37:00.001+08:00

First test turned out a disaster.

Somehow i still have this feeling that it's trying to tell me something.

"Hey, face reality."

2011-09-07T16:35:00.001+08:00

I don't mind working like this, if it's all worth it.

2011-08-29T23:11:00.003+08:00

WANT IT BAD ENOUGH.

Then it'll have no choice but to come to you ;D

2011-08-28T23:28:00.001+08:00

I want to earn enough money so that I can learn the piano :)

2011-08-23T21:02:00.001+08:00

School is so draining i hope i could have just one day to rest without having to worry about homework/notes.

2011-08-09T00:15:00.004+08:00

Chasing dreams are tiring enough.

So, just chase your own dream, instead of trying to chase other's :)

2011-08-06T22:14:00.004+08:00

I like being bilingual.

And i hope i can be trilingual in 4 years' time ;)

2011-08-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

# # #

2011-07-31T23:54:00.002+08:00

When there's an ulcer underneath the back of your tongue, you will feel sharp piercing pain..

..when opening your mouth

..when talking

..when swallowing

..when sticking your tongue out

..when brushing your teeth

..when sneezing(and i usually sneeze three times in a row -.-)

..in your ear (on whichever side your ulcer is)

So, is anybody going on a diet? Try having that X.x

Seriously, you will feel much more comfortable not opening your mouth and eating(and even drinking) at all.

2011-07-18T12:18:00.007+08:00

O_O

But anyway i once thought so as well :|

2011-07-14T16:14:00.004+08:00

I see nothing wrong with living in a small world.
As long as i'm happy.

People might say there's a need to go out there and see the big world, the big things, the big people..
But 'big' in this society, and in this reality means complicated, no?
"Oh it's such a waste that you haven't seen all these great things out there!"
I think it'd be a waste of my time if i've in fact done so.
It's not like trying something awful for the first time just to see how it tastes and after it digested you can choose not to eat it again.

When you step into what this society is enticing you into, it's really hard to get out of it.

Not everything useful is good for you.
Useful is just an objective and general term.
You have to find what is really useful for you. :)

2011-07-10T12:19:00.003+08:00

10 Promises To My Dog

Sudden intent to watch it since i'm free and remembered that there is such a show. It started off quite flat and boring, where the movie simply illustrates how a girl comes across this dog whom she named it Socks, and how her father and her try to get pass the difficult life without her mother around anymore.

But as the show progresses, all the meaning and values just unknowingly flow in.
And it made me teared three times (seriously like a running tap) at a particular section. They just can't stop flowing, this is how touching it is, really :')

And it made me value dogs so much more now. They're not just animals/pets. They're family.

"You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you."

2011-07-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

Had a hilarious chain of different-events-in-totally-different-settings-with-the-same-person dream. It was too weird and funny o.o

2011-07-02T23:18:00.005+08:00

School would have already started when

Glee Season 3
How I Met Your Mother Season 7
The Big Bang Theory Season 5

are aired :(

2011-07-01T23:36:00.005+08:00

Life is like joining the dots. When all the dots are connected, it's complete :)
Only when it's complete, everything makes sense.
Only then, we get to see the beautiful picture.

Remember how we used to play this game when we were much younger?
Then we forgot about it.

2011-07-01T00:16:00.005+08:00

Finally! After so many months of relaxation and rest, these few days were much more productive. But i'm not entirely confident this will help in future, just hoping that it will eventually pay off. Somehow, it feels like a game now (in fact, it is, a model of the reality).

And i realized that, life is just too short to do one thing at a time.
Thus i hope i can balance everything well from now on.

(Exactly how could you look confident when you're just not? I've been trying to figure this out since i saw that quote :|)

"All you people look at me like I’m a little girl.
Well did you ever think it'd be okay for me to step into this world?"

2011-06-26T23:42:00.001+08:00

Confidence.

2011-06-25T16:43:00.005+08:00

I feel good blasting loud music in my ears when i'm exasperated/stressed/vexed/frustrated :| At least it calms me down a little :)

I think half of my embarrassing/regretful moments are associated with Math.
And the more i should do it. *LOL unconvincingly must slot this sentence in.*

But still, I'm going to do a good job! :)

2011-06-21T18:19:00.008+08:00

Glee - Baby It's Cold Outside

2011-06-16T17:04:00.017+08:00

Glee (The Warblers) - Bills, Bills, Bills
Love the acapella!

Glee (The Warblers) - What Kind of Fool
This is VERY soothing :)

Glee (The Warblers) - Somewhere Only We Know

Glee (The Warblers) - Teenage Dream

Glee - Umbrella/Singin' In the Rain
Awesome mash-up and performance!!

2011-06-15T00:35:00.002+08:00

:)

Especially because things that money can't buy, are always much more precious.

2011-06-10T12:10:00.014+08:00

By Channel NewsAsia, Updated: 09/06/2011

Nursing home mistreats patient

SINGAPORE: The Nightingale Nursing Home along Braddell Road has been suspended with effect from April 12, from admitting new patients, after some of its staff members were found to have mistreated a resident there.

The incident came to light after Channel NewsAsia alerted the Ministry of Health to a video, taken by a hidden camera on a patient’s bedside.

The video showed an elderly woman patient sitting next to a bed without any clothes, while the ceiling fans in the room were on.

After a while, two staff members were shown lifting the patient and throwing her onto a bed.

In one footage, a staff member was shown slapping the patient after she moaned in pain.

The old lady has been a resident of the home for the past four years.

The nursing home said it has disciplined the staff involved, and placed additional measures such as getting senior staff to visit the wards and checking the conduct of its staff.

The measures also include holding regular meetings with patients and their family members.

In its reply to Channel NewsAsia, the Ministry of Health said: "There were significant lapses in the care standards provided to the patient in question.

"This should not have happened. There should have been tighter supervision of staff rendering care to vulnerable patients. Patients’ dignity and respect must be upheld at all times".

A family member of the patient said: "Of course we are unhappy with the incident.

"We sent her there for the nurses to take care of her; we’re disappointed with what happened.

"There are other old folks at the home. We hope by bringing this matter up, it will help to improve things at the home.

"We have since moved our mother to another nursing home".

The Ministry of Health said it will closely monitor the nursing home to ensure all additional measures required of it are properly implemented and subsequently ascertain if the suspension imposed on the home should be reviewed or further sanctions imposed.

It said: "Our inspectors regularly check that all nursing homes are properly maintained, keep their patient records in order and institute effective infection control measures.

"Nursing home operators are also required to maintain care standards on medication administration, fall prevention, housekeeping, etc.

"Nursing homes that do not meet the required standards or which require closer monitoring for any other reason will be subject to more regular audits. MOH will also guide them on how to improve their performance".

WHAT THE HELL?!

Hello?! Throwing an elderly person on the bed, slapping her face and making her unclothed for half an hour. This is great humiliation, not only to the elderly, BUT TO SINGAPORE'S SERVICE INDUSTRY AS WELL. Please. I mean, it actually took the customer himself to find out about such things. If he didn't caught the act in a video, such filthy things would never have been discovered (or it made me wonder, disclosed?). Might as well pay the customer for supervising right? I'm just curious, is there even a supervisor in the nursing home? If yes, why is there such negligence? If no, why haven't there been one?

I really am very ashamed of this incident because it totally caused Singapore's value of courtesy, respect, customer service and reputation to plunge all the way.

2011-06-06T00:18:00.006+08:00

Sometimes you'll never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Cherish every moment in life :)
Life occurs once, and every second lost now will never come back again.

(You have a choice to be happy or not. It's really a choice, except for things concerning life and death, in my opinion. Even when you blame your unhappiness or dejection or frustration on circumstances, perspective is something you can control. Circumstances don't bring people to only one of the feelings, thoughts and actions. I supposed it's just the way people tend to react - to convince themselves of the appropriate feelings and thoughts, which are sometimes ironically not at all.)

2011-06-05T01:46:00.014+08:00

http://foodandetc.tumblr.com/ always makes me go very hungry!

This looks so creamy and milky :)

YUMYUM :D

LOOK AT THE CHEESE!!

Pizza and Eggs Benedict with Potato Salad. HOW TO RESIST!!

2011-06-03T23:39:00.008+08:00

Remember how i said i really envy people who have big dreams?

Now i know it seems so amazingly big because the grass is always greener on the other side. When it comes to you, it has a totally different meaning. It's things that you genuinely want to do in life because you like it. Passion is really the best reason. And it's not just a dream. You make it a reality.

People hinted to me that working at such an undesirable timing and distance is not worth it. (I wanted to say, for now, it may be so, but i decided it's not even the case.) It is worth the time. Because i don't have to wait any longer to pursue what i want. Because if i continue spending my time waiting and waiting until i officially ended school while i can actually do it now, it is then not worth it. I can do it now, why not?

And, remember i said that i don't know who to follow?

When you don't know who to follow, follow your intuition.
And not the others'.

:)

2011-05-30T00:12:00.003+08:00

陈淑华 - 问

谁让你心动谁让你心痛
谁会让你偶尔想要拥他在怀中
谁又在乎你的梦谁说你的心思他会懂
谁为你感动

如果女人总是等到夜深
无悔付出青春他就会对你真
是否女人永远不要多问
她最好永远天真为她所爱的人

谁让你心动谁让你心痛
谁会让你偶尔想要拥他在怀中
谁又在乎你的梦谁说你的心思他会懂
谁为你感动

只是女人容易一往情深
总是为情所困终于越陷越深
可是女人爱是她的灵魂
她可以奉献一生为她所爱的人

2011-05-21T20:14:00.007+08:00

Mari Samuelsen - Winter (from Four Seasons)

So amazingly powerful and clean!!

2011-05-19T13:14:00.002+08:00

The bell curve just works all the time.

Although i hate to admit, i'm just this smart. And sometimes, i hate the fact that i'm (relatively) more hardworking than smart :|

This new phase, i very much want to see it as a game than a battle.

"Play your game well."
"Fight your battle well."

It's a tough game, i don't know how i will/have to play it.
Sometimes, i don't know who to follow.
Who to listen to.
I think it's all based on intuition :)
Let's just go one step at a time :)

2011-04-23T16:55:00.006+08:00

"Why is everybody so obsessed, money can't buy us happiness."

"If we all slow down and enjoy right now, guarantee we'll be feeling all right."

Many times, money even strips away happiness.

Had the most terrible nightmare ever.

A horror movie played in my dream, LITERALLY.
And you see, i can't close your eyes in the dream to avoid the scene. It's a dream. You just get to see everything inside -_-
What's worse was that it was totally like a ghost story played in cinema, where the shooting style was so professional, although i don't know how this happened, that this particular disturbing scene kept playing in my mind hours after i woke up. (As in, if it wasn't shot this way, at this angle, it might not have been so eerily scary.)

AND.
It was so realistic because there was a scene where i climbed to the top of the toilet in a house and plucked out all the glass window panes one by one so i could escape from there without being discovered.

Goodness.

2011-04-22T23:15:00.006+08:00

Was watching this show on TV which talks about the lives of people who survived cancers.

Elderly male patient who contracted intestine cancer: The doctor told me i had only one year to live, and he told me to do the things i want to.

And suddenly it dawned on me.

Have we not been doing things we always want to?
What are we waiting for?
Why don't we fulfil them now?
Why do people sometimes wait and wait and wait until they eventually forget about it?

2011-04-21T22:36:00.018+08:00

The Reserve.

When i was in primary school, i thought i was quite good.

When i was in secondary school, i thought i was quite good. Maybe became a little more intelligent. I don't know how.

Today, i realized that all along, i'm average. And i'm not going to fight anymore cause it's too tiring to fight endlessly. Mediocre is fine.

And i realise i'm not anywhere near intelligent, smart and etc. I have already accepted that since months ago. Perhaps i've become less possessive; i don't want to cling on to things anymore. Because when you hold on hard, you have to maintain that position. As time passes, it becomes more and more tiring to hold onto the same position.

# # #
These 2 days, i learnt that people (sometimes) tend to be quite insensitive and unobservant.

I'm a very quiet person when with a big group. Such that at many moments when i speak, i don't expect anyone to answer me already. Got so used to it, it's not even awkward anymore.

But today, it suddenly dawned on me that i have a new role to play now. In life, we all have got so many roles to play. As a child, as a friend, as a student, as a teacher, as a speaker, as a listener, as an employee, as a leader. As a person. It's not our choice whether we want to take it or not. If you don't play it well, you're off the team. That's it.

In a day, i figured out it's a hard role to play. It's an important role, yet nobody will ever want to do it. Because everyone wants to play forefront.

Somehow, i sense that i frequently discover awkward moments in occasions which i will try to resolve (i don't like seeing people feel bad or embarrassed, it makes me feel bad too), while on the contrary, when it was my turn, it was like, nothing.

And seriously, i know i'm not at all eloquent. I know. I just can't change that. And that's one thing i'm upset about. But i just cannot bring myself to talk a lot. I don't have a lot of comments. Say i'm ignorant or what. I just can't.

I think people like to associate themselves more with talkative people. Or sociable should be the word. And what can i do about it? What more can i say? Haha.

Just let go of everything. And live with what i can, what i have, what is worthy of the love and care.

(Seriously you know, sometimes i just feel so tired and disappointed that i don't want to care about anything anymore. Just want to dump this thing inside of me far far away. I'm a human too. I'm glad i have the right to feel tired and upset.

It's sort of like, "If nobody cares, why should i?".)

And this is when i realise, when behind a smile lies nothing, it is really a beautiful picture painted.
While usually behind a smile, it lies a myriad of feelings.
Until the feeling becomes so strong that the smile doesn't even fit your face properly anymore.

2011-04-17T01:58:00.006+08:00

HELLO MATHEMATICS!

& GOODBYE PHYSICS!
(I've been waiting for 2 months to finally be able to say it!)

:D

2011-04-14T00:41:00.003+08:00

Perhaps there are too many voices around us to hypnotize our heart.
Occasionally, i tend to forget what i eventually want.
And it's kind of scary to have completely forgotten about it. Because when you realize it, it would be hard to make a detour again.

But it's okay, just go back on the path.
The path is always there, i guess it depends on whether you have the courage to walk back on.

And the best way not to forget is, to literally pin them down on note.

2011-04-13T13:49:00.004+08:00

Me: Dad, do you think i should try applying for scholarships?

Dad: Don't need la, it's very hard to apply for scholarships one.

Me: How about bursary then?

Dad: All these applications are so troublesome, need to provide them with so many documents. Don't need la, the amount provided by bursary wouldn't cover a lot of the school fees.

LOL.

I still applied.
And this is called, “无鱼，虾也好。”
;D

2011-04-11T22:10:00.002+08:00

I've finally realized the way to feel young and happy :D

It's when you're with your family or friends.
That's the only way, i guess.

Because in front of them, there's nothing to hide, nothing you can't say directly, and that's the only occasions where there are no need for rehearsals to make a casual comfortable conversation. You can just talk about anything, from the most important things to the most tiny issues that just pop into your mind suddenly.

And most importantly, you act the age you met your friends when you're with them. Isn't this comforting? :)

I like how i will always be a child in front of my parents.
How i will always be a sister in front of the children in my home.
How i actually behave like a child when i'm with my friends. Always only to realize it when we depart. Feeling quite absurd, but when we meet again, the same feeling and bahaviour just comes back naturally. And then, one day to finally figure out, "Oh, it's supposed to be like this.".

Maybe that's why i'm not quite looking forward to working life. Where you have to look and behave maturely, even when you know inside you don't want to be.. or, (maybe only) I don't want to be.

2011-04-11T11:46:00.001+08:00

"Something still exists as long as there's someone around to remember it." - Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)

2011-04-10T23:58:00.001+08:00

When lost, walk straight.

Because you know that's where you really want to go.

2011-04-05T13:12:00.004+08:00

Jan 2011-Apr 2011:

The Success Principles for Teens
Receiving of 'A' Level results
Japan great earthquake disaster
Myanmar earthquake
Thailand flood
Nineteen Minutes
Tuition sessions
How I Met Your Mother
The Big Bang Theory (Season 2, Episode 18)

Altogether, they have taught me a lot of things. Maybe few of the most humanistic which could/might never be taught in school.

2011-04-04T17:57:00.004+08:00

Jodi Picoult - Nineteen Minutes

Last time, when people always said how sad and beautiful a story was, i couldn't understand how it could be, both at the same time.

Now, i see how.

Nineteen Minutes is a beautiful tragedy.
A man-made beautiful tragedy.

It didn't intrigue me when i first read it. (And i thought it might not be as interesting as i thought it would be before i got the book.) I picked it up a few times before i dived into the story. And it turned out that halfway through the story, i actually wanted to highlight every quote as i flipped the pages (but i literally can't because it belongs to my friend). They are not just written for that story itself; they are applicable quotes. Almost every one of them got me thinking. Even the story itself. It explores the inner mind of a teenager, of every teenager, about how the mind functions, right and/or wrong, controllable and/or not, which leads to actions and consequences, desirable and/or not.

Towards the end of it, you just can't put the book down because you just have to see how the case can continue to be refuted so flawlessly, again and again when you think that that one will be the final say.

"Everyone thinks you make mistakes when you're young. But i don't think we make any fewer when we're grown up."

2011-04-01T12:50:00.005+08:00

Mum: Ah girl, do you think people who do not wish to become a doctor, but because of obtaining 6 and 7As opt for it?

Me: Sure, of course. Why not?

Mum: Then, if you've obtained such grades will you choose these courses? Like, doctors.

Me: Maybe i might try for Business, but definitely not doctor. I don't even like it.

Now i think Food Science might be interesting too! :D

2011-03-31T23:58:00.003+08:00

The tears of joy came late!
But it still came, literally. Finally :)

2011-03-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, i feel i know what i want.

And this feeling is extremely satisfying and awesome! :D

2011-03-28T14:43:00.003+08:00

Living in Singapore like living in Malaysia.

:)

2011-03-26T20:06:00.005+08:00

Glee - Poker Face

Marvelously translated.

2011-03-24T01:15:00.009+08:00

Life is unfair.

But this time, things are quite different, amazingly.
Whenever someone tries to 'deconfirm' me, someone else will just pull me back, onto my original track, and i really appreciate it :)

I tried to conceal my vexation, unease and indecisiveness from Dad because i thought he has already decided the best choice for me (which i strongly disagree with). I tried to pretend i'm not going to waiver, and that i'm really really firm about it.

But eventually, i couldn't help it.
I just blurted out everything and questioned him.
And, i was really caught by surprise.
With the support and assurance.
"Just choose the course that you like first. After that, you can apply for jobs and see which sectors need your skills. There'll be jobs that require them."
For a moment i thought Dad was just comforting me because he think that nothing he say would actually change my mind. And, these words, weren't exactly within my expectation.

Even if it's just so, that's what i needed :)

Confidence.
A lot of it.

2011-03-22T18:03:00.006+08:00

"Where parents would notice a chin that looked like Aunt Marge's or a nose that resembled Grandpa's, Lacy would see instead a gaze wide with wisdom and peace - eight pounds of unadulterated possibility. Newborns remind her of tiny Buddhas, faces full of divinity. It didn't last long, though. When Lacy saw these infants a week later at their regular checkups, they had turned into ordinary-albeit tiny-people. That holiness, somehow, disappeared, and Lacy was always left wondering where in this world it might go." - Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)

Growing up, is really a tough thing.
I guess we all really never want to grow up, and instead, we just want to pause at some moments or stages in life where it seems so peaceful and perfect. :)

2011-03-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

Now, i've finally seen how people really change when circumstances have changed.

And i abhor it.

2011-03-14T12:58:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, i think i try too hard.

Or maybe, not hard enough. I don't know.

I think Dad is right.
"Take things easy."

And i know it's not very nice but i can't help it to hold this envy within me.
I really don't want to, and i hope it will go away soon.
Sorry!

And i realise that it's all about earning it :)

2011-03-13T18:41:00.007+08:00

Pay VS Passion

PASSION WINS. (It always will :D)
Right, the majority will say that.
The majority will say that.

After some thought, i suppose i should be sticking to my decision.
Though my parents are hoping for something else.
There might be risk of me making the wrong choice.
Walking the wrong path, and hence ending up not so well-off.

But you see, there will also be the risk of me making the right one.
And the only way to find out which one is higher, is to take the path.

I'm really, really grateful to so many people for being there helping me all these while, til the very last day of the A level examination, to achieve these grades. Even though the grades are not perfect, not even near perfect, i thank you so much. :)

2011-03-11T11:36:00.003+08:00

The brain and the heart don't work together.
And this is quite frustrating.

My brain says, "Go for the smarter choice. You know what's right."
My heart says, "You know what you really want."

Or, i guess i'm just too indecisive and hesitant about making the risky leap which may end me up where i want, or nowhere at all.
But again, you can't land nowhere unless you don't put in effort for long enough.

2011-03-07T23:17:00.002+08:00

Glee is amazingly awesome!

Glee - Bad Romance

2011-03-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

I hope my voice come back fully.

2011-03-06T00:20:00.007+08:00

4 March:

It took me half the day to realise that i didn't feel that it was okay.

I tried to be.
And it ended up with "What is this?" just before i went to bed.
Ya, i really tried.
So successful that i didn't even notice i was trying to cover up.

Even friends around me could tell i was most nervous to see what i've obtained.

I'm really really proud of my class this time. Our class did well. In fact, EXTREMELY i will say :D And we've shown others that though we are just a 6, we can do it like how they can :)

But i was quite disappointed, honestly, and felt sort of jittery and lousy. This time, disappointment fits best.

Thanks Dad and Mum for comforting me :)

And thanks so much for the all the encouragement, and concerns for me, friends :)
Especially for talking to me about how i shall move on so naturally, like everything is well.
They really help a lot, made me more hopeful and more courageous to move on, a lot.
Thank you.

5 March:

As the hours pass, i actually feel better.
In fact, i feel happier and more excited to see what will be going on.
And i feel okay now. Seriously :)

It's not good, but good enough.
(I think this is the effect/influence/impact of the book LOL)

And i met 2 cool people today!
A Singaporean who took Chinese Literature.
I don't know why, but it just sounded cool!

And talked to professor, who made me see things from an unthought angle.
Maybe it's just consolation, but it does make sense. Haha.

But anyway, all's good now.

Let's move on! :D

2011-03-03T18:37:00.003+08:00

And it all sums up to 3 nightmares in total, eventually -.-. But the third one didn't really count as one because i didn't even get to see the results. I only remembered walking with a big group of secondary school people to my secondary school. But i remembered taking the MRT to BV before that so i should end up in college but then i didn't.

Oh well, dreams are just pieces of unconnected things put together as usual. Haha. Maybe it means i hoped that i could actually collect my results in my secondary school. YES i think so :)

OKAY A LEVEL RELEASE OF RESULTS EVE!
ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE! :)

2011-03-01T20:42:00.002+08:00

Results are coming out this Friday.
I try not to remember it but people around keep reminding.
I know i'm not being realistic but i just want to enjoy the rest of the 2 more days left.
I'm sorry i know i shouldn't be so pessimistic because things might not be that bad afterall.
Or.. even if it does, things won't change and, i have to move on.

And i want to go to Kbox after that but my voice seems to be permanently hoarse now :X

Oh my goodness.
Poor results.
Voice gone bad.
MY LIFE!

Friday should just come and go now.

2011-02-25T23:18:00.003+08:00

For goodness sake i got back my results again today.

Mathematics - A
Physics - B
Chemistry - C
Economics - D

GP - C
_______ - D

There is no sixth subject but i remembered asking in the dream what that was for and it's something related to class participation or similar to it. Forgot how to spell the word but i think it begins with an 'S'.

And I think i'm getting used to receiving results back already.

OF COURSE NOT. (Though i hope that i would be immune to it.)

And, what i really want to say is, no high expectations, please. At least not this time, because i'm really certain about it. Thanks :) i don't like the feeling of failing expectations.

2011-02-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

I'd rather smell food than antiseptic cream.

LOL sounds rather sour-grapish. Okay it does not mean to sound offensive i just thought of it while walking on the street!

And dad is such a roadblock, with the term coined from the book.

"Many people tried, and they failed. Because you must wait for yourself to be more mature in thinking before you know how to plan."

Or maybe, he's a stepping stone :)

2011-02-21T20:27:00.002+08:00

If there's any one gift i would like to give it to anybody now, it will be The Success Principles for Teens by Jack Canfield and Kent Healy.

Chanced upon this book in the library but i couldn't find it outside. it's really and accurate and interesting book in guiding you towards achieving your goals, maybe not in a few months time but, eventually.

# # #

Now, everyday, i feel like tomorrow is the day.
I feel my confidence slowly draining away.
You know what?
This feeling, it sucks.
Like, you know something not so good is awaiting you yet you cannot avoid it.

"Make a detour."
It says.

"And end it the same way."

# # #

Just now i told dad about the release of results soon.

"Take it easy. Good or bad it's still okay. If it's really not so good just go to poly. Take it easy don't take it too hard okay?"

:)

I worry for them and they worry for me.
I think it's quite comforting :)

And guessed what he said next.

"Go and be a singer lor (at getais). Wherever you are singing we will go and listen."
HAHAHA actually this is a good idea ;D

And i think i want that piece of reassurance, though it always feel so superficial.
Because i really think it matters, now.
I don't know, maybe it doesn't really matter so much.
Perhaps it's not really that bad things turn out the wrong/unexpected way.
It may change the course.
But hopefully, reach the destination anyway. :)

2011-02-18T16:48:00.007+08:00

Mathematics - A
Chemistry - D
Economics - E
GP - 1 ....5

WHAT IS THIS :(
Dreamt of getting back my results with Physics results not shown in the slip. And i can't interpret what does the GP result mean. I guessed in my dream i thought i got an F9 for GP but there's no F9 in A Level. So i think it must be either an E or a S.

How? Oh my goodness like that how.
:|

2011-02-17T17:25:00.003+08:00

Cookies, spaghetti, agar-agar, fried rice...

AND ROSTI! A million things to do!

2011-02-15T22:10:00.017+08:00

I'm a singer

I'm a teacher

I'M A BAKER

AND I'M A COOK!! :D

This is what the book says i should do!
To Act As If.
Try it out!
And 10 years down the road, if you are really what you had always acted as, it shows that this works! :)

2011-02-13T22:31:00.010+08:00

OH NO PLEASE!!!!!!!

Even i can't stay calm anymore.

What's worse than taking an examination?!?!

Getting back the results :O

Who would be afraid to take an exam if you never need to get back your results again! :(

OH NO.

Please give me back my results NOW THANK YOU :(

NOW. *OR NEVER, PLEASE!!*

# # #

"Just get across that stupid hurdle."

OKAY!

2011-02-08T22:44:00.002+08:00

我们一起做 = 我自己做。

One day, i will show Dad that bosses aren't all like this.

:)

2011-01-19T23:05:00.006+08:00

Friend: You really have just the slightest bit of courage and gut.

Mum: Wah girl ar, you're very daring.

I take the latter as a compliment ;)
And i still have a lot to learn in this complicated world.
.. in this unpredictable world.
.. in this duplicitous world.
I don't know which fits in.
Or maybe all do.
But i really hope the world isn't just so, or rather, isn't so.

Things are as simple as you think.
I still believe this holds.

2011-01-16T23:51:00.006+08:00

I Will Survive - Charice Pempengco

0:57

WHAT A VOICE!!

2011-01-13T13:39:00.003+08:00

SO IT'S DADDY!!

I will work in the kitchen one day! :D

I See The Light (Tangled) - Mandy Moore

2011-01-11T23:44:00.009+08:00

I was trying to make a Rosti.

But i didn't know how to flip the pan.
And i sincerely hoped that the bottom of the potatoes wasn't burned when i was pondering if i should do it.
And i waited and waited for it to stick and to become crispy and for me to pluck up the courage to flip it.

And then it was burnt :/
I couldn't estimate the time for it to turn crispy.
And i couldn't see through the bottom of the pan to check if it was burnt.

So i covered the black parts with sausages HAHAHA.

And i want to thank Mum for always appreciating what i cook, though sometimes i know it's not nice actually :)

And though i'm always snatching the kitchen from her when she needs to cook.

2011-01-09T23:23:00.003+08:00

I think i'm getting more ambitious now.
:)
Let's see how things go.

命运从来不会同情弱者。

2011-01-08T22:26:00.001+08:00

Did a lousy job today.
But well, we all need experience.
We all lack experience. :)

# # #

When i was about to register for it, suddenly there's a voice inside me that said,

"You know, sometimes plans do backfire."

2011-01-04T12:08:00.011+08:00

COME COME 2011, give me more meaning to life please! :)

And this, is to say GOODBYE TO HORRIBLE 2010!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

2011-01-03T23:42:00.005+08:00

三个愿望 - 梁文音

你答应送我三个愿望
第一个希望你能健康开朗
第二个希望我能更懂体谅
第三个希望我们永远有话讲。

2011-01-02T22:46:00.003+08:00

For one moment, (i thought) it doesn't matter.

You know?
I hope it stays til then.

2011-01-02T21:26:00.006+08:00

记忆有限所以它会淘汰坏的。

Sometimes, i really hope the brain will filter off the unwanted memories.
I really don't want to think about it anymore.
But somehow, it just keeps coming back.
And you can't really do anything about it except to get sadden all over again.
And again.
And again.
And..

Sometimes, i really hope i could do something i want. Something i want, from the bottom of my heart, and not what i want because that's the most usual or simplest or most secured way.
But it takes courage.
And, i really hate the fact that i lack it.
Because i know if i want a life i need it to keep me moving on.

Sometimes, i thought,
If i could choose, i would have taken up dancing since i was young.
If i could rechoose, i would have taken an alternative route.
But if i could relive, i still want to stay in this same family. In this same environment.

And i will keep this in mind from now on.

记忆有限，
所以它会淘汰坏的。

2010-12-29T13:40:00.005+08:00

I think i have good ideas sometimes. But they remain as ideas because i don't execute them. I really really want a lot to.

Just that, it's always the hardest step to start.

But somehow, i want to do this one.

Thank you friend, for reminding me about the plan i've almost forgotten.

2010-12-28T10:49:00.001+08:00

23 Dec:

Watched Rapunzel: A Tangled Tale with sister! Hilarious and relaxing show :)

I wish i could stay in the cinema forever.
Anything except for horror will be fine and comfortable for me to be in.
Because whenever i watch a movie in the cinema, i feel detached from the world outside. I feel like there is nothing else i need to care or think about.
Maybe it's the darkness of the cinema which made me feel enclosed, and safe inside.

25 Dec:

This morning i had a funny dream, and a scary one actually. There were 2 parts to it (how inception-al LOL), and the first was about a friend wanting to help me with something which i forgot what and i thought he genuinely wants to do it for me. It turned out that it was just an incidental help because he was just helping me on the way in doing another thing. And i was like, since i didn't know i was in a dream , what? Okay nevermind if you are not sincere. Forget it.

Somehow i met mum and aunt and some other people and guess what? We were collecting As result o.O. WE. And someone walked pass mum and said, "Wow you know the answer to every question!" AND THEN, mum went to collect her result slip(the slips were just white papers printed with words placed messily on a wooden table). AND Mum got 7 As! I was so amazingly shocked! Not sure if it was by the fact(in my dream) that mum got straight As or that.. she actually took As. Then i searched forever for mine. And mum woke me up. How nice it would be if mum and I took As together. So she would know how tormenting it was >)

Packed up and off to chalet!

# # #

The night sky was maroon(to the purplish side) and it was really beautiful :)
I want to visit ECP again when it rained in the afternoon.

2010-12-25T01:26:00.003+08:00

*Click to enlarge!!*

2010-12-23T20:22:00.007+08:00

FEELS LIKE A STAR WHEN THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE HAIR DRYING YOUR HAIR SIMULTANEOUSLY.

And i've learnt to accept my hairstyle on the day i cut it.
Or rather, i've learnt to accept that on the day you cut your hair, it will not turn out nicely, as you wanted.

Before that, went MOS with sister, where this old uncle queuing in front of me stepped on my last toe real hard. o.O

I broke that toe nail while playing soccer a year ago, and i've been waiting until now for it to almost grow back into its original state. AND THEN, now i have to wait for another million year again.

2010-12-17T21:20:00.007+08:00

RANDOM UPDATES! (and i actually spelled it DANROM)

I found that a little bit of slang in English sounds nicer.
I FOUND THE BEST EXCUSE FOR SHOPPING NOW. FOR UNIVERSITY! And it was my aunt who reminded me that. :D That's provided i don't end up in SHATEC :)
I can't find Nineteen Minutes, but i found Slumdog Millionaire by chance so i shall read it first! And from where i've stopped just now, i know it will be a good read :)
I want to speak good English and Mandarin.

2010-12-15T17:10:00.003+08:00

Finally, i started packing my notes! I should have done it long ago, but well. And as i looked through them i couldn't remember a single thing. Or i didn't try to, i guess. I didn't want to.

As i flipped through them, i felt,

I NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM ANYMORE.

And that same instant i know that can only happen on one condition, that is i pass As. Honestly, i'm quite scared, because As was really hard, at least for me. And I'm serious, very! But i don't know how to make people believe this. Because they just tell me, "Oh please, you confirm can make it."

And i really hope so.

Yet, although i've sort of screwed up this exam, i'm still bearing this small hope that i have a chance to enter this particular course. Not that i will be applying for it though. Haha.

Off to packing the book shelf soon so more storybooks can come in! :D

2010-12-14T22:36:00.001+08:00

Although i'm still unemployed, i've seen and heard enough to make me feel that,

I want to find a job that at the end of it i will say "I've had a good day!"

:)

2010-12-13T19:03:00.004+08:00

I'm always careful now and then not to compare myself with others. Because i don't like that feeling, especially when i'm at the lower end. And there's really no point comparing because two persons will never have the same conditions for a genuine comparison. And, there is really no point. Because we all lead different lives.

For now, to work or not to work, i really don't know!
OKAY i know i'm lazy.
But i just want to enjoy myself as fully as i can this time because i will never get such moments again once working life starts after graduating from university.

But everyone's getting a job now, and i feel guilty. HAHA, actually i shouldn't because i know i want to play. See? Hate comparisons!

But i will constantly remind myself not to.

Okay, so i decide i shall start work when i've found one that i like :)

2010-12-11T19:22:00.004+08:00

Okay i didn't regret so much for not attending prom anymore :)
Because we got to see the pretty ladies and handsome guys anyway!

Had a stayover in Marriott Hotel yesterday with SA6, while Jotham, Kehan and Nicholas attended prom. Initially, we wanted to watch DVDs (starting with My Sister's Keeper), but there were no DVD player in the room. So we played Monopoly Deal and went shopping and ate around and watched whatever was on the TV and chatted throughout the night instead. Managed to survive without sleep from Friday 10am til now ;)

Came back from the stayover at around 2pm just now, and immediately went out to eat with my cousins again! AND I WAS EXTREMELY MAD ABOUT THIS RUDE FAT BOY whom i met at the mall.

While we were walking around the mall, this boy from nowhere just dashed towards me and as i could see he was so obese he need much more space to move pass me, i was about to move aside to let him pass. AND GUESS WHAT.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY."

EXCUSE ME?!?!

O.O'

I was shocked. ULTIMATELY, at that instant. It was like, directly smashed at my face, those words.

EXCUSE ME?!?! A kid of not more than 12 years old, or maybe not even 10 telling an adult, okay i don't want to be an adult yet, telling a person older than him to get out of the way. BUT HELLO, it is THE way, not mine, and not yours either, for goodness' sake. This is about respect and manners, mind you.

But i was too shocked at that moment i just stunned there.
And i told my cousin if i ever see him again and he spit those words to me again, i promise i will hold him by his collar and spit those words back to him ten times harsher. HOW RUDE IS THAT, please?

And the thing is, i was trying to give in to him and let him pass. I didn't even hurt or harm him. And this is what i get? Thanks, boy. For telling me what to do in case things like this happen again.

Actually, i was thinking: Lousy kid.
But then again, i corrected myself.
Lousy parenting.

Forgive me for saying this, though Mum will always remind me that i'm going to be a parent someday :/

2010-12-10T11:04:00.006+08:00

Finished For One More Day yesterday MIDNIGHT.

It turned out to be better than expected. Maybe because i read it late in the night so the atmosphere was there - dark and quiet, which made it a little eerie, yet peaceful at the same time.

Th beginning was as usual, and somehow the middle turned into horror, which scared me quite a bit. But it wasn't those ghost stories kind of horror. It's not meant to scare you i supposed. It's horror mixed with sadness and a tinge of warmth. I don't know how to put it properly.

And at the end, i was tearing non-stop :')

In my opinion, this is definitely better than The Five People You Meet in Heaven, but i cannot say it's better than Tuesdays with Morrie. They were written in different styles i guess.

But it made me a better person. And from every storybook that i completed, i learnt something. Maybe not something new, but something i wasn't aware of, or that i had forgotten. And for this, it was something that i was guilty of.

2010-12-09T21:14:00.003+08:00

I decided to stop watching Channel 8 dramas until Mum and sis kept saying,
"破天网不错嘞！他们的演技都很好！"
(except for a few which er.. totally cmi.)

So, i think i would watch this one, but the sypnosis made the story sound complicated, and that's partly why i don't feel like watching it too. But still, i prefer HK dramas :D HK actors and actresses undeniably have incomparable acting skills (Y)

Starting on For One More Day by Mitch Albom, because i couldn't find Nineteen Minutes and i happened to chance upon this first. Hope it's a good read!